Saturday, March 19, 2011

A sincere THANK YOU

Thank very much. I had no idea my late night rant would generate such an outpouring of support. I appreciate it more than you'll ever know.

Dallas and I have been enjoying this nice warm weather the past couple of days. I'm so thankful for the sunshine. To celebrate this new season, it was only fitting for Dallas and I to do our usual redneck routine - baby pool in the front yard. One slight problem. Dallas's pool was somewhere buried in the floor to ceiling stacked boxes in the garage. So you know, of course I didn't do the logical thing...which would have been spending $10 on a new one. Instead I spent way too long and risked my life spelunking through the garage, carefully distributing my weight across the tops of the boxes.

All worth it. His reaction made my day :)

One last thing before I go. Music is a great form of therapy for me. I have it on all the time and it usually helps me sleep. I've been listening to this song over and over. I wanted to share it on the blog so I checked out the video on youtube. Even though this lady has quite a few years on me, this really hit home.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Late night confessional

I want to sleep, but I can't. I close my eyes and I feel my heart pounding through my chest. My mind races. How long will I have to relive this horror night after night? I wish I could wake up from this nightmare. God please protect me.

Time heals all they say. Why isn't this true for me? Maybe all the hype has settled and I'm supposed to be normal. So I play the part. Friends and family have all gone about their own business by now. And why shouldn't they? goes on - oh I wish I were that lucky. I just keep missing him more and more. The hurt grows. The loneliness lasts.

I've got no fluff or nice things to say. Perhaps I'm ticked because I'm tired and frustrated. I don't like having a bad's not in my nature. I'm annoyed with myself. This isn't the life I expected or wanted...and there was no prep for a world this hard.

I'm sick and tired of the devil trying to steal my love for life. With all the energy I have left, I'm clinging to the truth that God will never let me be pushed past my limit. He will always be there to help me come through this. He will never leave me nor forsake me. That is the small ray of hope I see through these dark clouds.


Most of you know that Dallas has also had a difficult time lately. A few weeks ago he had a seizure. Poor baby, and poor mama... me freaking out is an understatement. I NEED this dog. No really... I NEED him. Luckily I was right there with him, and my mom-in-law was at my house within ten minutes to help me get him to the emergency vet. Long story short, the seizures are most likely stress related and Dallas is on some meds to help take the edge off. I think things are looking up. It's like the devil just wants to knock me down every time I try to stand up. I really want to kick his a$$.

I don't like handouts. I don't like to ask for help. I don't like to say much of anything about my internal struggles.
But I'm asking for you to please pray for Dallas and I. We need all the prayers we can get. Losing Brad, the scary nights, the new life, new's overwhelming us. Pray for protection of our fragile minds and hearts. For the strength to make it.

- Thank you.