My journey back to Tennessee, part 1

Journey indeed - for real.



Hmm... where to begin? I'll take it from the top. Stick with me, it's going to be a long one.



The pain and trauma of losing Brad should be all I've had to deal with the past 2 and a half months. Key word - "should"...but that's not how it works. I was forced to flee my home, my job, my neighbors and friends, my LIFE. All I had was a suitcase with a random assortment of clothes and my dog. At first it didn't really matter - I was in shock, to say the least. After a couple of months it started to sink in...not only did I miss Brad, I missed my life.

When I left TN to make the 15 hour drive to Dallas for Brad's funeral, I had some strong feelings about our house. That's where Brad's life ended. That's where I saw what I saw. Heard what I heard. Our house scared me... no... it terrified me. It felt evil. At that time, I didn't want anything to do with the house. I didn't want to be there or see it again.

Mom and I debated having friends pack up boxes of my clothes and have them shipped. We discussed plans to take care of everything without me having to step foot in that state.


But...it just didn't feel right.


As the days went by, I kept feeling a need to go back to our house. Not to pack. Not to work. Just be there. By the way, therapy helps. It has helped me work through those deep fears and realize that I didn't have to be afraid of the dark, our house, our stuff. I may never have closure on Brad's death, but I thought that just mabye I could grasp some closure to my old life.


So...here's a great way to test out how great your friends are:

It went something like this, "Hey Lana, what are you doing next week? Want to drive me to Tennessee?"

AND, this incredible friend of mine dropped everything to drive me halfway across the country and support me during the hardest time in my life. Wow. Amazing.


Here we go! I left New Mexico and headed east. Before I drove off, I turned around to see my sidekick Taylor and fuzzy shadow Dallas giving me the look. I usually take Dallas with me everywhere, but he had finally started to act normal and the last thing he needed was more stress. And honestly, I knew he would go looking for Brad if I took him back to TN. He is a smart dog with a sharp memory. No sense in breaking both of our hearts even more.

No turning back, I was going to do it, face my fears...I was going home....

to be continued...