I'll Let You In My World

Overwhelmed.

Yeah, that's me.

I am not capable of living a normal life....whatever that might be. So it was a fun Friday night with friends...and get this....

Dallas gets hit by a car!

WHAT the ....!!!???

Don't worry! He is fine, but I lost it. He was in hot pursuit of a ball and ran out in the street before any of us could do anything. I saw it - then dropped to my knees and cried like I've never...no wait...yeah...I cried kinda like that. Also, it was May 7th - exactly 6 months since my world turned upside down.

I should probably have my blood pressure checked out.

I feel compelled to share something very private and dear to me. When crazy or difficult things come my way, i.e. Dallas being struck by a vehicle, I so badly wish Brad could be here to handle it. He could remain calm while I'm a basket case. He always knew how to ease my fear and my occasional hot temper. I found this note not long after Brad died. He gave this to me when we were in college, but it sure seems like it was meant for me now. I hope you can see his tender heart through his words.

In case you aren't skilled in translating Brad's handwriting, this is what it says. Also, that is probably 8 year old cereal stuck to the page.


Hello. I know you're stressed right now,
just shut it all out while you read this. No one
said that life would be easy. No one said that
we are perfect. It may seem like you're confused,
but I assure you that's the way anyone would
think in your situation. It's part of it. The
only thing that will help is going on with your life
every second of every day. When you get frustrated
because you can't concentrate, pray about it. You may
have to pray every second, but eventually it will get
better. I'm praying for you, every part of your being
I'm praying for. I know it's hard to see that school
should be important right now, but if you try, and
keep trying, you'll realize that you're capable of
doing things you didn't expect. One thing that that will
make you feel better is to confront your stress, one
step at a time. One page at a time, then one chapter,
then one class, it will require you to challenge yourself,
but I believe in you with all my heart. Just
know that God would never give you anything
you can't handle. Like you always say to me: "I can
do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Every time
you get frustrated, say it to yourself, and believe.

Keep it up sweetheart, You can do it!

B.

Back in the saddle

First week back to work - a success!

I'm so thankful I was able to take the past 6 months off of work to just be. It was necessary. I've faced a lot and worked through it. Many sleepless nights and difficult days - so much that I wasn't sure how I would function back in the real world. You think I would have learned this by now...God's timing is perfect.

It felt great to be back at the office last week. I had missed feeling productive...the feeling of contributing to society or having a role other than "the 28 year old widow". It was nice...even if I had to end my 6 month love affair with sweat pants.

_____________________________________

Now for something different.

The following is my sincere apology to all of my friends and family that are frustrated with my lack of communication.

I'm SORRY!

I get that it doesn't take that much effort to answer my phone, check my voicemail, respond to texts, or check my email. I GET IT! Perhaps I don't initiate going to lunch etc blah blah blah. All true. All I can say is:

I'm lazy, tired, and me not talking or responding to you is no reflection of how awesome you are. I am just a difficult person to be friends with for this season - but I will get better. The somewhat attentive version of me will emerge one of these days and you'll be happy you stuck it out.

Alrighty.

I'll go ahead and step down from my soap box and get my butt to bed.

If you aren't familiar with the iPhone format, this is a screen shot of my phone showing just how lazy and unresponsive I am. Yep...18 unchecked voicemails.