So this is my new normal

It has been Valentine's Day for 45 minutes as I type this......gross.

I can't sleep...again - I suppose that's part of this new normal thing. So why not catch up on some blogging.

You'll never believe this. Heck, I can't believe it. This old gal who was afraid to be in a room by herself for 2 months has been living on her own for 2 weeks...or has it been 3? Ugh, I don't have any concept of time these days. Well, let me rewind and explain how I got here.

If you need living proof that God is real, please come talk to me; however, don't call me, because I rarely check my phone...fyi - that thing overwhelms the h-e-double L out of me (I had to throw that in there for my friends and family that want to strangle me).

Enough about my flaws. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't remind myself of Matthew 6:34, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." This grief business is tricky. It's different for everyone and you never know what to expect, so please spare me the advice on how I should be doing things. I've heard at least a hundred different takes on my situation. One of the biggest things I'm experiencing is I am so easily overwhelmed...it's exhausting. I need a secretary to keep up with my voicemails and text messages. There is so much that needs to be done, yet I consider it a victory if I can get out of bed each morning.

I worried constantly about how I was going to move everything from Tennessee to Texas.

Where I was going to live???

How was I going to afford it???

How could I handle living alone???
Why was I having to face these problems???

What job should I take???

...and the list goes on.

And you know what?


God provides.


Through the help of the most amazing family and friends, things have worked out better than my worn out mind could have planned. These angels of mine helped orchestrate moving everything from TN to TX, finding the most perfect place for Dallas and I to live, and making sure the last thing I have to worry about are my finances. These people know who they are, hearts of gold, and I am forever grateful.

So just like that, Dallas and I loaded up in the "family truckster" (can anyone name the movie? Todd, I know you can!). Dallas and I had left our Tennessee home in the country to live with my parents for a few months in New Mexico, and now we were leaving for Texas to start our new normal.

Don't worry, I always leave enough room for Dallas. He knows the drill.

And wouldn't you know it. Dallas and I moved into our new home...and a snow/ice storm kept us locked inside for days. We made the best of it, even without tv...internet... oh and electricity for that one day. Thank goodness Brad's dad was brave enough to come rescue us. Waking up to a 55 degrees inside the house is not my idea of fun.

And there you have it. I'm another step closer to getting back to the real world. How am I doing? Umm, well... I'm okay. I'm making it. This living alone thing, well quite frankly, it sucks. I always thought I loved being lazy at home. And I did... I just loved it when Brad was there with me. It's absolutely gut wrenching to have to go through our things that we once shared. I finally have some familiar surroundings, but that is also an even bigger reminder of what I've lost. The good in this is that Jesus and I have been having some lengthy conversations. When you find out God is all you have, you truly learn that He is all you need.


My heart beats, standing on the edge
But my feet have finally left the ledge
Like an acrobat
There’s no turning back

I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
I’m losing control
Of my destiny
It feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace
The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone

Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding me
I’m not afraid

Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
Feels like I’m falling and this is the life for me

"I'm Letting Go" by "Francesca Battistelli